生死未卜
It's my school holidays now....but I'm not happy at all, in fact, it's the start of my mental torture.
Yes. Mental torture. I won't know if I pass or fail this semester till mid-december....and all I can say is that for my 2nd assignment, my packaging screwed up at the very last minute...though I did sort of complete all the requirements ( at least I thought so too)...I din manage to hand in my sketch book and research book because I simply could not squeeze out any time to compile them. And if these 2 books are part of the assignment requirements...then I'm doomed...cos I did see many of my classmates displaying these 2 books on their tables..though I din count if all actually displayed them.
When I saw that my name were not on the "resubmit" list, I thought I am on the safe zone...that I've passed or clear the semester...but later I found out that that's not true at all. It's divided into 3 categories : passed, resubmit, failed.
So, if I don't have to resubmit/redo my work, it either imply that I've passed or I've failed ( failed to the extend that they dun see why they should give you this 2nd opportunity to resubmit/redo your work) Worst of all, the lecturer told us that our class has failure/failures. When I look around the displays around me....man! I couldn't think of any possibly failures except me. Simply because I display the fewest number of stuff and worse without any sketch bk and research book...... I'm trying to be optimistic here...that maybe they are not looking for quantity but quality...but then...when I look at my designs again...quality arh? hmmm... still a distance from quality....how how???!?
If I fail and have to repeat...I rather they tell us the results today...right now at this very minute!! Waiting all the way till december is a torture to me! It's like if you wanna kill me, then kill me quick please! Don't torture me and still kill me in the end. At least I can seriously thought of what to do/ what can or should I do from now on if I fail...argghh..I hate this feeling....of not knowing what to do...
Then without knowing that I have passed or failed, they have already briefed us on our next semester work and given us homework to do!! Why will I be bothered to do it if I know I've failed the semester??! I mean it's weird...frankly speaking I really don't have the mood to do it and research on my new assignment...the homework is like 50 photosgraphs, 50 illustrations and 50 digital imaging. So we are expected to hand in 150 pieces of stuff when school reopens....150 pieces mean about $150 will be gone from all that printing!! But then, If I fail ...all that stuff will be irrelevant to me since I won't be around with the school when the new semester starts...so why can't they just tell me if I've passed/ failed?!?! Then at least I can concentrate on my work...haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
But like I've told my friend, if I were to grade myself, I will fail myself.
For working too slowly...for not being able to meet deadlines...which is very important to a designer as well.
But If I dig down into my conscience, I'll say that I've really tried my best...and that I'm not guilty. It's not that I've slacked at home or whatever... I've sacrificed sleep ( yes, I know thats no big deal for design students...everybody has sleepless nights.), sacrificed meals...not eating for more than 24 hours and eating one meal per day on some days.....i just dunno what went wrong...why i work so slowly...or am I being a perfectionist when it comes to details which no one will actually bother?
Whatever the case, if you ask me, I think I deserve to fail..but still heng bu gan xin. It's like it's not that you cannot design stuff which your friends have designed....you fail because you have not designed enough work to show them by the deadlines...( and that's deadly enuf)
Though I think I deserve to fail, still waiting for a miracle...yes m-i-r-a-c-l-e to let me 起死回生。
I can't imagine having to repeat a year, I see no point in them putting me in advanced-standing and me end up repeating because I have not meet the standards. It's like I rather you put me in level one then.
Wow, can't imagine I've typed out such long paragraphs of words in less than an hour...usually it takes me hours to type out what I wanna blog...
Yes. Mental torture. I won't know if I pass or fail this semester till mid-december....and all I can say is that for my 2nd assignment, my packaging screwed up at the very last minute...though I did sort of complete all the requirements ( at least I thought so too)...I din manage to hand in my sketch book and research book because I simply could not squeeze out any time to compile them. And if these 2 books are part of the assignment requirements...then I'm doomed...cos I did see many of my classmates displaying these 2 books on their tables..though I din count if all actually displayed them.
When I saw that my name were not on the "resubmit" list, I thought I am on the safe zone...that I've passed or clear the semester...but later I found out that that's not true at all. It's divided into 3 categories : passed, resubmit, failed.
So, if I don't have to resubmit/redo my work, it either imply that I've passed or I've failed ( failed to the extend that they dun see why they should give you this 2nd opportunity to resubmit/redo your work) Worst of all, the lecturer told us that our class has failure/failures. When I look around the displays around me....man! I couldn't think of any possibly failures except me. Simply because I display the fewest number of stuff and worse without any sketch bk and research book...... I'm trying to be optimistic here...that maybe they are not looking for quantity but quality...but then...when I look at my designs again...quality arh? hmmm... still a distance from quality....how how???!?
If I fail and have to repeat...I rather they tell us the results today...right now at this very minute!! Waiting all the way till december is a torture to me! It's like if you wanna kill me, then kill me quick please! Don't torture me and still kill me in the end. At least I can seriously thought of what to do/ what can or should I do from now on if I fail...argghh..I hate this feeling....of not knowing what to do...
Then without knowing that I have passed or failed, they have already briefed us on our next semester work and given us homework to do!! Why will I be bothered to do it if I know I've failed the semester??! I mean it's weird...frankly speaking I really don't have the mood to do it and research on my new assignment...the homework is like 50 photosgraphs, 50 illustrations and 50 digital imaging. So we are expected to hand in 150 pieces of stuff when school reopens....150 pieces mean about $150 will be gone from all that printing!! But then, If I fail ...all that stuff will be irrelevant to me since I won't be around with the school when the new semester starts...so why can't they just tell me if I've passed/ failed?!?! Then at least I can concentrate on my work...haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
But like I've told my friend, if I were to grade myself, I will fail myself.
For working too slowly...for not being able to meet deadlines...which is very important to a designer as well.
But If I dig down into my conscience, I'll say that I've really tried my best...and that I'm not guilty. It's not that I've slacked at home or whatever... I've sacrificed sleep ( yes, I know thats no big deal for design students...everybody has sleepless nights.), sacrificed meals...not eating for more than 24 hours and eating one meal per day on some days.....i just dunno what went wrong...why i work so slowly...or am I being a perfectionist when it comes to details which no one will actually bother?
Whatever the case, if you ask me, I think I deserve to fail..but still heng bu gan xin. It's like it's not that you cannot design stuff which your friends have designed....you fail because you have not designed enough work to show them by the deadlines...( and that's deadly enuf)
Though I think I deserve to fail, still waiting for a miracle...yes m-i-r-a-c-l-e to let me 起死回生。
I can't imagine having to repeat a year, I see no point in them putting me in advanced-standing and me end up repeating because I have not meet the standards. It's like I rather you put me in level one then.
Wow, can't imagine I've typed out such long paragraphs of words in less than an hour...usually it takes me hours to type out what I wanna blog...